your life is fine
i can’t be the only person who thinks most of the people who post to “f my life” are assholes.
Today, I drove three and a half hours to surprise my long distance boyfriend for our anniversary. He was out of town. Where was he? Three and a half hours away trying to surprise me. FML
boo hoo. you live in a terrible romantic comedy. next.
Today, I got a well paying job that requires me to drive around and present a product to potential customers. After going out for a victory meal with friends, I came home to find my car broken into, and my GPS stolen. I need it for the job. FML
get a motherfuckin’ map, dude.
Today, my roommate decided to fry some bacon. After finishing, he thought it would be easy to clean up if he just tossed the panful of grease out the second story window. Guess where I was standing at the time? FML
that’s just made up. and not even funny. boooooo-urns.
Today, I totalled my car. I flipped it over on the freeway and broke my collarbone in the process. I was in extreme pain and unable to move. It took the ambulance an hour to get there in rush hour traffic. The song repeating on my iPod was, “Don’t Worry, be Happy.” FML
you had “don’t worry, be happy” on your ipod. this one’s on you, dude.
Today, my aunt came into the world. My 67 year-old grandfather married a 24 year-old woman who just gave birth to my new aunt, who is 18 years younger than me. FML
how is this your problem?
Today I was at a party and saw an old friend from college. I went up to her asking how she was and how her family was. She went on to tell me that her husband left her a month ago and started crying. I told her that he was an ass anyway and that she didn’t need him. Turns out he died. FML
look, either that lady lied when she told you her husband left her, or her husband left her and then he died. if it’s the former, that’s obnoxious and she deserved it; if it’s the later, you were still right. win-win!
Today, driving home, my girlfriend and I decided we were finally going to have sex. We got in the backseat, then I opened my condom to find it was already broken. We ended up playing connect four instead. FML
ok, i might give you that one. connect four is the WORST. IT’S JUST TIC-TAC-TOE YOU GUYS.
</crankytimes>
4 days ago • 0 notes
